Crier Quotes

“I don’t go anywhere without my Crocs.”
- Tommy Lee Jones 

Southwest Airlines CEO Bob Jordan told CNBC the airline is considering a change to its open-seating policy. Unfortunately, Jordon said dropping the practice also means dropping the airlines’ patented pre-boarding announcement -- “Lets Get Ready to Rumble!!” 

People Magazine reports a couple who met through Grubhub delivery are getting married next year. The woman said she knew he was the one after he gave her the biggest tip she’d ever seen. 

A recent WIRED article explores the question “Is your brain active even when you’re zoning out on the couch?” In short, they say yes — defining what’s known as the default mode network, a collection of seemingly unrelated areas of the brain that activate when you’re not doing much at all. Neuroscientists told WIRED they were able to confirm their inactivity hypothesis after spending the last three years studying Kamala Harris. 


IKEA Introduce New Bläadder Gaming Chair

With their newest and boldest line of products, IKEA is hoping to tap into the lucrative global gaming market — which experts project will be worth nearly $700B by 2030 — with an audacious new chair, pushing the boundaries of sanitation and sanity: The Bläadder.  

“Gaming is a very competitive space, and one that has a very tight community” said IKEA chief of product development Nils Bergstrom, “And it is very much a community that demands commitment. Anything less and you’ll be trolled right out of the chat. So, we didn’t want to just dip our toes in, we really wanted to make a splash, and I think we’ve done exactly that.”

What sets the Bläadder apart is its patented Avfallsslang, or “waste hose,” technology, which allows gamers to comfortably and seamlessly connect directly to the Bläadder, forming an airtight seal in a process described by the instructions as “docking.”

Sizes for the chair are based on volume of storage — ranging from the 32oz “Child” up to the remarkable 334oz “Streamer” — enough for 96 hours of uninterrupted gaming. 

The Bläadder received perfect scores in PC Gamer and Game Informer magazines, both heralding the product as “revolutionary.” Sales of the Bläadder skyrocketed after influential Twitch streamer, and Swedish national, PewDiePie told his 111 million subscribers that it was “the only chair I’d pee in.” 

Love it or hate it, the future looks bright yellow for IKEA.


  • The Italian city of Venice has instituted a new 5-euro entry fee for day trippers in a bid to combat over tourism. Shortly after its launch, a chorus could be heard throughout the city canals as the famed gondola accordions joined in singing “That’s A-Moolah.”

  • A new trend worth spotlighting in health care sees doctors prescribing nature walks to help patients get healthier. What makes the trend newsworthy is that half of all nature walk patients are prescribed antlers while the other half are prescribed crossbows.   

  • Parents whose kids have moved out are hiring empty nest coaches — life coaches who specialize in the transition surrounding a child's departure. On their first visit, coaches arrive at the home with what they call the emergency kit — which includes ice, a blender, and margarita mix. 

  • A new National Weather Service forecast said this summer could be especially hot in the US due to the probable transition from an El Niño to a La Niña climate pattern. The forecast received little coverage in the national news cycle, though one wonders how much more attention it would’ve gotten had it run under the more attention grabbing headline — “Hot Trans Threatens US.” 

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