Crier Quotes

"As long as it's thick, I wouldn't worry about it."- Dr. Phil


After Falling, Woman in Nursing Home Gets Up Unassisted

by Senior Seniors Correspondent Art Pepperdine

The Lede:

Ask anyone at the Rose Hill Assisted Living Center and they'll tell you, Esther Gingrich is a fighter. After surviving the market crash of '29, the second world war, a 78-day hospital bout with pneumococcal pneumonia, and the Carter Administration, she wasn't going to let "a little b*tch" like gravity keep her down.

Boats against the current

For forty-seven minutes, she fought against her invisible oppressor with the determination of Sylvester Stalone reading cue cards. Thrice refusing aid from the center's registerd nurse, Gingrich clawed her way upright, repeating, "Not this time you dirty b****rd!" A group of fellow residents looked on in astonishment as the four-foot-four-inch woman engaged in an arm-wrestle with the Almighty.

You can't spell Gingrich without "Grit"  

"It'll take an act of God to kill that woman," said Rose Hill Executive Director, Adam Shaw, adding, "I once heard her tell an anesthesiologist she didn't want to go under during her hip surgery because the pain makes her feel alive."

Known by her peers as "The Honey Badger," Gingrich has lived at Rose Hill for nearly 35 years. She moved in after her husband passed in 1987 from an accident involving string cheese. None of her adult children took her in - the scorn of which she says is the source of her strength. She's alive for one reason and one reason only - "spite" - and her only remaining goal is to suck those "ungrateful sh*t sticks" dry with residence fees.


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  • On Saturday, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Even the Pope was surprised that after nearly 35 years in politics, Pelosi was able to enter the Vatican without bursting into flames.