- The Town Crier
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- #171
#171
Sunday, June 8th
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#171
Sunday, June 8th
Crier Quotes
“Probably what I always do: run down the beach knocking over elaborate sand castles that entire families spent hours making.”
⁃ JoJo Siwa on her summer plans
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Feature
Education Department Cuts Funding for School of Hard Knocks
Education Secretary Linda McMahon announced a sweeping proposal Thursday to slash $97 billion in federal funding for the School of Hard Knocks, America’s most storied educational institution.
The cuts target stalwart Hard Knocks programs which attending students say they rely on heavily, including $31.8 billion for access to grindstones for students to keep their noses to, $24.9 billion in bootstraps for pulling themselves up by, and $11.6 billion in oil for burning past midnight. Safe from the cuts, however, would be nearly $800 million provided in bricks for building character.
Legal scholars predict the cuts will be challenged in the courts on grounds that the School of Hard Knocks falls under Title I protections, which the administration previously promised it would not touch.
Political opposition leaders condemned the move as an attack on American values. “For generations, attending the School of Hard Knocks has been the great equalizer,” said Rep. Martha Stone (D-Vermont). “Where everyone, regardless of race, color, gender, or creed can traverse to school and back uphill, both ways! This is an assault on the American Dream itself.”
Education advocates and student organizations also publicly criticized the cuts, warning they will overwhelmingly harm students with disabilities, low-income students, and students of color who comprise over 87% of those enrolled. “These cuts are yet another in a series of attacks on the foundational pillars of our society,” said Jonathan Williams, the president and CEO of the National Association of Trials and Tribulations (NATT). “To those without the comfort of having family elbow grease to fall back on, yearning to work their fingers to the bone, bust their hump, and break their back, know this — we see you, we hear you, and we will fight for you.”
With the funding gone, millions of the nation’s grittiest students fear they’ll no longer be able to afford the rising cost of tuition, forcing them to either take on massive debt or attend the widely mocked School of Tough Love, or worse, the dilapidated Old School.
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