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- #178
#178
Sunday, July 27
#178
Sunday, July 27th
Crier Quotes
“Three to four times a week up until middle school. Then, once a week by the time I turned 18. Now, about once a month.”
⁃ Olivia Rodrigo on wetting the bed
Trending News
Columbia University agreed to pay $200 million to the federal government to settle accusations that the school failed to protect Jewish students from antisemitism on campus. Columbia’s president said she’s confident that students will understand the university’s decision to settle considering many of them did after not getting into Harvard.
A global Duke study found that dietary intake, particularly increased consumption of ultra-processed foods, plays a more crucial role in the obesity epidemic. For more on this study, find the full analysis in this month’s issue of “Obviously.”
HULU announced plans for a new dating show for virgins called “Are You My First?” Producers say it will be exactly the same as every other reality dating show, although, because they’re virgins, they’ll probably only get about 3 minutes of fame.
Krispy Kreme and Crocs have unveiled a limited-edition pair of doughnut-inspired clogs. And hats off to the design team because it couldn’t’ve been easy to make doughnut clogs that weren’t shaped like arteries.
An 80-year-old Florida man became the oldest finisher of the 135-mile Badwater Ultramarathon, completing the scorching Death Valley course in under 48 hours. After crossing the finish line, the man briefly celebrated with friends and family before attending a memorial service for his nipples.
Feature
Gene for Memory Linked to Buying Flowers
According to a new study published Thursday, neurological researchers at Johns Hopkins University found that male memory function is directly linked to flower purchases. In their study, over 90% of men observed carrying flowers reported having remembered something important.
Whether to celebrate a birthday, anniversary, graduation, valentines day, or other significant life event, the team says the purchase of flowers clearly indicates a chemical change has occurred within the male brain in which it recalls information that it had previously been told — a feat that until now, was widely believed impossible.
“How, exactly, the man remembered remains unknown," said lead researcher Dr. Elizabeth Whaler. "But we believe that just before purchasing flowers, there's a powerful release of the Oh Shit, That was Today? hormone. This rushes through a small brain region in the western hemisphere known as Dory's Area, suddenly reminding him that yes, it was in fact today, and he should get flowers immediately.”
The team says Dory's Area's location is no coincidence. It sits directly opposite the region responsible for putting a man's foot in his mouth: which is identical in shape albeit nearly four times smaller. Unfortunately, the release of the What? Did I Say Something? hormone only surges after he receives “the look.”
Although speculative, Dr. Whaler suggests the link between memory and flowers is likely a result of natural selection dating back thousands of years to early development of the species. “While I can’t at this time say for certain, I think its no coincidence that remembering something, acquiring flowers, and getting laid are a sequence of events that largely happen in direct succession. In my humble opinion, it’s more than a correlation. It’s primal.”
However, the team's findings were immediately challenged when a competing study reported that an equal number of men carrying flowers were actually trying to make up for having forgotten something.
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