- The Town Crier
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- #181
#181
Sunday, August 24th
#181
Sunday, August 24th
Crier Quotes
“I’ve performed in front of thousands of adoring fans, but there’s no greater rush than shoplifting.”
- Adele
News Round-Up
Speaking with press recently, New York City mayoral candidate Andrew Cuomo said his relationship with Trump is like “a dysfunctional marriage.” Which should really put the citizens of New York at ease because everyone knows the children of a dysfunctional marriage always turn out great.
Hanes announced plans to sell off its underwear division. A Hanes executive said they’ve been trying to sell the underwear for months but apparently companies don’t jump at the offer for “underwear division: slightly used.”
Jack Daniel’s has introduced a new Blackberry flavored whiskey, blending its classic Old No. 7 with ripe blackberry notes for a fruity finish. The new flavor has quickly gained popularity with Jack Daniels lovers who say the addition of blackberries means they’ll finally have a balanced breakfast.
A planet from the Avatar movies may exist in real life as astronomers say they’ve found evidence of a planet orbiting Alpha Centauri A; the system home to the glowing fantasyland Pandora and the closest sun-like star to earth — and if it’s anything like the movies, astronomers say their next big finding will be way over budget and very disappointing.
The Guinness Book of Wold Records has certified Peal, a 14-year-old hen from Texas, as the wold’s oldest chicken. Or as she’s known at KFC headquarters “public enemy number one.”
The NFL has agreed to a licensing deal with Crocs to produce a line of football-themed shoes. An NFL spokesperson said the collaboration makes sense because Crocs are the brain injury of fashion.
New research from King’s College London suggests that a protein found in sheep's wool, called keratin, could be the key to better toothpaste and a new approach to dental care. So the next time you go to the dentist, don’t be surprised if they ask you to open wide and say BAAAAA.
Kellogg’s signed an agreement with Texas to permanently remove artificial food dyes from its cereals by the end of 2027. Which would explain the 2027 Frosted Flakes slogan “They’re GRRREY!”
Police in England ran a month-long sting where female officers posed as joggers in tight clothes to bait catcallers, leading to 18 arrests for harassment, assault, and theft. The undercover sting was known as Operation Thicks in a Blanket.
Cracker Barrel facing criticism over new logo that removes the man and barrel. In response to online criticism, the roadside restaurant chain assured outraged patrons who feared more changes that they’ll still honor their commitment to cook whatever customers just hit with their car.
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