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- #187
#187
Sunday, October 26th
In Partnership with Dyce Games
#187
Sunday, October 26th
Crier Quotes
“It’s hard to explain, but I can’t have mentos or I’ll explode.”
- Tilda Swinton
Trending News
In the Oval Office Wednesday, President Trump said he has plans to build a glass bridge to connect the new ballroom and the main building. The President changed the plans to include the bridge after realizing without it, there’d be nothing for Giuliani to live under.
A mayor of a town in South Carolina recently caught a loose spider monkey by enticing it with a hot cup of coffee. Which in South Carolina means six more weeks of bachelorette parties.
Johnsonville announced it’s releasing a new Dr. Pepper flavored sausage. It’s the perfect meal to celebrate meeting your deductible.
Prince Andrew has relinquished his royal title and will no longer be known as the Duke of York — Andrew said he doesn’t really mind, adding the only title he’s ever really been interested in is Miss Teen USA.
Feature
Report: Most Graves 5’ 9” Not 6’
Despite the advertised depths in nearly all cemetery brochures, a new report published in the industry trade publication Dirt reveals most graves are actually 5’ 9”, not 6’.
The report confirmed that over 87% of graves surveyed fell well short of the 6 feet mark, despite what their trifold profiles claim. Grave matchmaking experts say the deceptive practice is a growing epidemic they’ve labeled “deepening.”
Local woman Vanessa Roberts, 79, says the report is disheartening. Like many her age in search of an eternal resting place, Roberts says the revelation has cast doubt on whether she’ll ever be able to trust a gravesite again. “Here you are, thinking you found a nice, supportive hole to spend eternity in, just to find out it’s not as deep as it says. You think, if they’d lie about that, what else are they lying about?”
Not all are piling on, however. Not long after the report went viral online, thousands took to X to push back against what they see as depth discrimination. “Just because a grave isn’t 6 feet, doesn’t mean it can’t support you SMH,” wrote Und3rT8ker. Another user, expressing exhaustion and frustration with the dialogue posted: “Tired of all these mf gravediggers out here chasing rich soil and 6 ft. like if it’s 5’ 7” or 5’ 8” but gets good sunlight and is close enough for family to visit, what’s the problem? Get your priorities straight.” These posts, and thousands like it, were capped with #shallowking.
The final verdict is far from settled, but for better or worse, the report has forced the industry to take stock and confront the issue head-on. Many industry insiders, such as prominent caretaker Haymish Black, acknowledge their role in the problem. “Well, we dug ourselves into this mess, said Black. “Now we’ll dig ourselves out.”
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