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Fashion Industry Takes Stance Against Belts after Report Details Years of Complicity in Domestic Violence

The Lede:

New York Fashion Week came to a stunning conclusion today as designers and models took to the runway either sporting a noticeable sag or completely bottomless in protest of belts, who, a new report details, have been complicit for years of domestic violence against women.

Tell me more.

The event, known as “Sags Not Silence,” was set in Brooklyn in an abandoned subway tunnel underneath a vacant warehouse that once served as a meat locker before it was converted into a biohazard recycling center before being converted into an elementary school.

Who was there?

Everyone who is currently anyone and then some other people who might be someone in a few years.

More importantly, however, is not who was there but who wasn’t.

Noticeably absent from the event was the ghost of 50s fashion icon Ruben Davis. Davis has haunted the balcony of every NY fashion week show since his untimely elevator shaft accident the night before he was to debut his groundbreaking collection “Cave People of the 31st Century.”

Insiders have speculated that Davis’s absence signals his quiet support for belts. The two were longtime collaborators and rumored to have worked together during the early days of the BDSM movement, where they combined to develop what is referred to in certain circles as “the apparatus.”

What now?

Some think the future is elastic as form-fitting bottoms that hug and accentuate curves are all the rage. Industry leaders are also hinting that suspenders are likely to make their long-awaited comeback now that belts have been exposed for the monsters that they are.

*Editor’s note*

At the sending of this newsletter, shockwaves reverberated throughout the fashion industry as a video supercut surfaced on Instagram of a pair of white suspenders hurling racial epithets during a 7-hour interview on the Joe Rogan Experience.


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