Feature: Fitfluencer Takes Day Off

July 11, 2021

The Lede:

Holding a press conference on Instagram Live in the atrium of The Muscle Factory, model/brand ambassador/spiritual life coach/certified nutritionist/ordained minister Jake Stone expressed with a heavy heart his decision to “rack the weights” for the next twenty-four hours. A decision he hopes his “community of achievers” will understand.

All Day Every Day … Except … Today?

Stone told his followers, collectively known as “the henge,” not to mourn his absence and that before they could count to 86,400 he’d be “putting them on” to another “fire circuit.” The move doesn’t come without risks, as Stone will be the first to tell you - the possibility that 14 years of "no days off" has stockpiled lactic acid waiting to rush into his joints rendering him immobile, he says, is a very real fear:

I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to Lou Gehrig - like 90% sure. I’m just afraid I’ll close my eyes and wake up like that science guy … you know who I’m talking about? With the funny voice … in the chair … all crumpled up like a bag of chips … what’s his name? Ah shit don’t tell me, don’t tell me … Oh! Eddie Redmayne - Yeah, him. I can see that happening. But I think he stilled hooked up with that dragon lady, so - you know - chair half-full.

The Last Dance

The press conference lasted roughly 147 minutes - 110 of which were dedicated to products Stone is “really excited about right now” - including a pre-workout powder mix you heat with a spoon and inject straight into your jugular called “Shark Attack.”

During the Q&A portion towards the end, a member of the press asked what Stone will be doing during his time off, he said, “two words: Fast and Furious Marathon on Spike TV.” Then, after counting on his fingers - “wait, make that three words.”

Stone took the remainder of his time reminding the henge that “strength is a state of mind” and “motivation is a choice” - to never forget that in order to achieve their goals, “putting in the hard work is non-negotiable” and that the “proof is in the progress.” He encouraged each and ever one of them to challenge themselves over the next twenty-four hours - because “everyday is a good day to push your limits.”

Choking back tears, a visibly distraught Stone concluded the press conference by reading Dylan Thomas’s “Don’t Go Gentle Into That Good Night.”