“Most of my life now is spent just waiting for the next time I get to have cheese.”
- Susan Sarandon 

According to a survey conducted by the National Retail Federation, American shoppers are expected to spend an eye-popping $29.1 billion this Valentine’s Day. That number of course doesn’t include those who forgot Valentine’s Day who are projected to pay for the rest of their lives.

A post-race interview with the bronze medal winner in the men’s Olympic biathlon competition on Tuesday took an unexpected turn when he revealed in a live broadcast that he had been unfaithful to his girlfriend. Although it’s kind of fitting that an athlete competing in the only event with a gun would shoot himself in the foot. 

A group of scientists from Belgium, the United States, and Denmark are working to understand what causes near-death experiences. While they’ve yet to identify any singular cause for having a near death experience, they say for males in their early 30s it has something to do with dishes in the sink. 

A new report indicates nearly one million older adults in the U.S. now have roommates — And by roommates they mean adult kids with English degrees. 

A retired United States Army colonel will serve two years in federal prison for sending classified war plans to his online date. In her testimony, the woman said it was clearly a typo when she texted him to “send nukes.” 

Calling the act essential to his commitment to providing the utmost care, Dr. Sanjay Patel spent a quiet, lovely evening across the dinner table from patient Nolan Shaw on the eve of his upcoming colonoscopy. 

As with any pre-colonoscopy dinner, there was some initial awkwardness, but that quickly faded after the first round of laxative solution went down. “I told him that I was nervous because I’d never done this with anyone else before, especially not on camera, but hearing that he’s been hundreds of guy’s first made me feel a lot better,” said Shaw. “He also had the waiter present each liter of the laxative solution like a bottle wine, then chilled with a bucket of ice table-side, which I thought was a nice touch.” 

The time together seemed to fly by as the pair bonded over their love of Mel Brooks movies, vintage maps, and the sea, rarely pausing from conversation as they laughed while sharing stories of their youth and family medical history. “It’s all about lowering the inhibitions” says Dr. Patel. “When we’re tense, we clench. And that makes for an uncomfortable experience for everyone. I want my patients to know they are in good hands, soft hands, loving hands. Getting them to open up the night before makes all the difference.” 

By the end of the evening, neither Shaw nor Dr. Patel wanted to leave. They even had an inside joke, as the phrase, “You won’t find that at the zoo,” continued to be repeated, gaining in momentum each time it was said. Finally, the meal came to a beautiful crescendo as the two reached for the bill and their hands touched. It was the perfect end to a perfect evening.

At press time, nurses confirmed that when Shaw saw Dr. Patel for the first time before the procedure began the monitor showed his heart skipped a beat.

Get the best possible value when selling your jewelry 

Not all buyers want to lowball you. With Worthy, the more you get for your jewelry, the more they get—so they're incentivized to secure your best offer.

You set the minimum price. They auction to 1,000+ professional buyers competing on your behalf. Personal auction manager guides you through every step. Fully insured, no upfront costs.

Join 80,000+ sellers who found someone in their corner.

Get started with Worthy

If you enjoyed this issue and want to support future editions, please share or consider making a contribution. All amounts make a difference. Thank you!

If someone shared this issue with you, let’s cut out the middle man and subscribe for free by clicking below.