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#191
Sunday, December 14th
In partnership with
#191
Sunday, December 14th
Crier Quotes
“I usually start with chest and arms, and then if I have time, I’ll do legs.”
- Jeffrey Dahmer
Trending News
Google released a new version of its Gemini chatbot built to better grasp nuance and user intent. A Google spokesperson said the bot is designed to provide insightful answers by picking up on subtleties others might miss — which would explain why the number one question asked so far is “what does she mean by ‘I’m fine’?”
Grocery chain Lidl recently turned its 49-cent croissant into a limited-edition perfume. So head to Lidl this holiday season and get her the gift that says “I don’t know you at all.”
In his newly published study, University of Cambridge evolutionary anthropologist Mark Dyble claims the Soay sheep, native to Scotland, is the least monogamous in the animal kingdom. Said Dyble, “boy, did I get around.”
White Castle opened its first automated airport vending machine this month that dispenses ready-to-eat sliders. It’s a great reminder that even after three gate changes and a seven hour delay there’s still a little further to hit rock bottom.
Former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and pop star Katy Perry have confirmed their relationship by going Instagram official this week. Getting more likes than the post was the number one comment — “Keep her”
A new study suggests neanderthals created fire as early as 400,000 years ago, almost 350,000 years earlier than previously known. In the peer reviewed study, the researchers said the finding adds substantial weight to previous claims that, in fact, “we didn’t not start the fire” and that it was “always burning since the world’s been turning.”
UNC football fired its offensive and special teams coordinators this week as fallout continues from Bill Belichick’s unsuccessful first season as the program’s head coach. It’s unclear who Belichick will choose as replacements but something tells me he’s going younger.
Feature
USPS Reports Holiday Delays One Week Ahead of Schedule
Providing the public with the latest update as Christmas approaches, U.S. Postmaster General David Steiner reported Wednesday that nearly all 31,000 postal locations across the contiguous 48 states, Alaska, and Hawaii were well ahead of schedule for holiday shipping delays, with some as much as two weeks ahead. “We are working intermittently to ensure our minimums are met,” said Steiner, adding that from logistics to barcode reader breakdowns, his agency was doing everything in its power to achieve the earliest possible delays this holiday season. With any luck, Steiner says his agency may hit its mark of fewer than 40% for on-time 3-day single-piece mail, which hasn’t been done since December of 2020, when the USPS bolstered a record shattering 33% on-time rate nationwide. To do so, Steiner stressed employee omission of details and the importance of ensuring there is never more than one open window at a time per branch, and that the window associate takes no fewer than three cigarette breaks every half hour. Closing his remarks, Steiner told reporters those looking to secure on-time delivery before Christmas Eve should plan to send packages two years ago.
In partnership with Fisher Investments
7 Actionable Ways to Achieve a Comfortable Retirement
Your dream retirement isn’t going to fund itself—that’s what your portfolio is for.
When generating income for a comfortable retirement, there are countless options to weigh. Muni bonds, dividends, REITs, Master Limited Partnerships—each comes with risk and oppor-tunity.
The Definitive Guide to Retirement Income from Fisher investments shows you ways you can position your portfolio to help you maintain or improve your lifestyle in retirement.
It also highlights common mistakes, such as tax mistakes, that can make a substantial differ-ence as you plan your well-deserved future.
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