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- #185
#185
Sunday, September 28th
In Partnership with Dyce Games


#185
Sunday, September 28th
Crier Quotes
“Ideally, it wouldn’t be just me, we’d all be on roller skates, but I guess that’s what gives me my edge.”
- Gwyneth Paltrow on efficiency
Trending News
The NFL kicked off its first-ever game in Dublin, Ireland, Sunday morning with a matchup between the Minnesota Vikings and the Pittsburgh Steelers starting at 9:30am ET and 6:30am PT. The game is a beautiful display of two nations sharing their cultures with one another: Americans sharing the joy of football and the Irish sharing the joy of drinking before 10.
New research published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B suggests fish feel pleasure. So, the next time you’re having a bad day at work, just remind yourself that somewhere out there, a guy was getting paid to pleasure a fish.
An Austrian man attempted to earn a world record by lighting himself on fire and pulling a car 300 feet. After completing the attempt, the man when back to work as the nation’s top therapist.
New research has confirmed your daily cup of coffee really does make you happier. The study consisted of asking test subjects a series of questions early in the morning, and researchers found that compared to people who hadn’t had their morning coffee, those that had try to stab you less.
Feature
At UN Trump Calls for World Leaders to Pay Fair Share of International House of Pancakes
President Donald Trump delivered a fiery foreign policy speech on the floor of the UN General Assembly on Tuesday. The president lambasted the United Nations and countries around the world, asserting in no unclear terms that the US will no longer be picking up the tab. The president called the commitment of nations to supporting international syrup reserves “a joke,” adding, “your condiments are going to hell in a sampler basket.”
In his hour-long speech, the president said it’s long overdue that European, Middle Eastern, and Asian nations “cough up the bacon,” arguing that weak foreign policy under the previous administration effectively let countries across the globe “dine and dash” on their breakfast obligations. The president particularly criticized European leaders who think supplying the world with crepes satisfies their breakfast commitment, calling the dish “pancakes on Ozempic.”
International reaction was swift, with Canada's delegation immediately pushing back on claims about maple syrup contributions, with Prime Minister Mark Carney telling reporters afterwards, “In Canada, we know a sap when we see one.” Secretary of State Marco Rubio defended the president’s hardline stance and praised his willingness to scramble the status quo, saying, “You can’t make an omelet without cracking a few eggs.”
Closing his remarks, the president threatened that if the required funds aren’t paid in full by member nations before this year’s World Breakfast Day in June, he wouldn’t hesitate to pull the US from the Bottomless Brunch Accords, which have been in place since March of 2019, challenging those nations who believe he’s bluffing, stating, “if you don’t think the US has the necessary grits to go through with it, try me.”

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