In Partnership with Dyce Games


#195
Sunday, January 25th
Crier Quotes
“I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”
- Zooey Deschanel on wearing low-rise jeans
Briefs
According to a new poll, only 6 percent of Americans are satisfied with how the Epstein files have been handled. When asked, several men who’ve already been named in the files said they wished the number was higher, but they’d take anything under 18.
British inventor Michael Wallhead recently broke the world record for fastest motorized trash can, hitting a speed of 66 MPH. The most surprising part of the story is that the feat was accomplished by a man in England and not, as you might expect, a raccoon in Florida.
Burger chain, Five Guys, has opened a brand new 10,000-square-foot flagship restaurant in Las Vegas. The new location will offer the same Five Guys menu but because it’s Vegas the burgers are topless.
Lululemon recently paused online sales of its new "Get Low" leggings in North America following customer complaints that they were not "squat-proof" and became see-though when stretched. According to reports, the “Get Low” leggings are especially revealing from the window to the wall.
Vice President JD Vance and Second Lady Usha Vance announced this week that they are expecting their fourth child. While the announcement was met mostly with excitement by family, friends, and supporters, it has made things slightly awkward between JD and his couch.
Feature
Esports Prodigy Receives Career Ending Carpal Tunnel Diagnosis
In what many are calling one of sports' cruelest twists of fate, League of Legends phenom Kim Sung-woo, known online as “baBy b@str,” announced his retirement from professional gaming on Thursday. The decision comes following a recent carpal tunnel diagnosis which doctors said was too severe to safely continue playing at the professional level, adding that should he continue at his current pace, Sung-woo’s hand would be reduced to a misshapen claw within 16 months. The diagnosis cuts short the young prodigy’s career just 4 months shy of his 13th birthday.
Sung-woo’s quick trigger finger and superior vision drew comparisons to a young Lee Sang-hyeok, better known as “Faker.” The 4’8”, 68-pound preteen had shown more than just flashes of brilliance before his diagnosis, averaging an astounding 7.2 Kill/Death ratio including an otherworldly 9.8 kill assists per game. Scouts and coaches alike had projected Sung-woo as a future All-Star and face of Esports for years to come. His former elementary school coach, Steve Fincher, called him "the most naturally gifted playmaker I've ever coached.” “We'll never know what Kim could have become,” Fincher added. “That's the tragedy of it all.”
“This isn't the ending I imagined for my story,” Sung-woo said during an emotional press conference from the kitchen table of his parents’ house. “But I'm grateful for the time I had and the people who believed in me.”
Sung-woo says he plans to remain involved in the Esports community, possibly pursuing coaching or player development roles. For fans and analysts, however, his name will forever evoke that haunting question: what if?
In partnership with Dyce Games

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