- The Town Crier
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- #183
#183
Sunday, September 7th
#183
Sunday, September 7th
Crier Quotes
“I never had any formal training. It just came naturally to me.”
- Steve Harvey on seducing the elderly
Trending News
Frontier Airlines announced 20 new routes it plans to start this winter to compete directly with financially struggling Spirit Airlines. While the final destinations are new, a Frontier spokesperson assured passengers all flights will continue to connect through hell.
According to a new survey, 29% of Americans say it is unlikely that French people admire the American way of life. And I’d like to meet someone in the 71% surveyed who after watching 90-year-old college football analyst Lee Corso pick the winning team by putting its mascot’s head on thought, “you know who’d love this — the French.”
The new Stephen King movie adaptation The Long Walk held a screening this weekend in which viewers walked on treadmills, and if they got tired, they had to leave. On the bright side, we now know you can use artificial butter to prevent nipple chaffing.
Students in kindergarten through 12th grade in Tennessee will be required by law to learn to identify the trigger, barrel and muzzle of a gun. State officials say the gun lessons will be weaved seamlessly into the existing curriculum. Which explains why the answer to Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? is “I see a sniper scope looking at me.”
Four hikers were rescued after they got lost "while experiencing a debilitating psychedelic mushroom high" in New York’s Catskill Mountains. According to the Forest Rangers report, the hikers said they knew it was a mistake taking directions from that squirrel.
Feature
Purple Leads Vegas Odds for Gatorade Shower at Swift/Kelce Wedding
Odds for what color gatorade will be poured on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce at their wedding were released this week. Following a torrent of speculation, sources close to several Vegas bookmakers’ 13-year-old nieces confirmed Purple the current favorite at +150.
Purple (+150) Purple emerges as the overwhelming favorite, drawing strength from multiple convergent factors. Swift's "Lavender Haze" serves as the cornerstone track about being in love, while purple appears consistently in her most enchanted moments across "Speak Now" and other romantic compositions. Most compelling, however, is the recent precedent—Coach Andy Reid received purple Gatorade showers following both Super Bowl 57 and 58 victories. The combination is significant because 5+7+5+8 = 25 and this year is Super Bowl 60. 25 + 6 = 31, which is the reverse of Swift’s lucky 13.
Yellow (+400) Yellow maintains respectable odds despite apparent obstacles. Swift references gold extensively throughout her catalog, particularly in "invisible string" where she sings "gold was the color of the leaves," directly connecting to destiny and finding one's person. However, gold's association with nostalgia rather than forward-looking celebration creates hesitation among oddsmakers.
Red (+800) Red faces significant headwinds despite obvious team connections. While "The Lucky One" occupies the crucial 13th track position on her Red album with the word "lucky" appearing exactly 13 times, red's lyrical associations lean heavily toward heartbreak and emotional devastation. The title track's "loving him was red" establishes the color as representing intense but ultimately destructive passion. Chiefs red would seem natural, but Swift's sophisticated color coding suggests she transcends obvious choices.
Blue (+1200) While blue's extensive presence across Swift's catalog (74 instances across eight albums) initially suggests viability, deeper analysis reveals problematic associations, making the color a long shot in most sports books. Her consistent use of blue to represent sadness and melancholy creates a thematic discord with wedding celebration. But several message boards still give blue a puncher's chance as Swifties say the color shouldn’t be ruled out entirely due to its status as her most frequently used color.
According to the American Gambling Association, betters are estimated to wager up to a record $13 billion on the Swift/Kelce Gatorade shower. The real question, however, is how the couple will be able to pull off having the 10-gallon Gatorade cooler poured on them by her three cats.
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