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- #164
#164
Sunday, April 13th
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Crier Quotes
“I LOVE QUIZNOS! God, you have no idea how good that feels to finally say out loud.”
⁃ Meryl Streep, unprompted
Trending News
Starting the 2025 season, New York mascot Mr. Met has been recognized by fans as being noticeably more buff than years past. Mr. Met's body transformation has inspired other mascots to get their act together including Philadelphia’s Gritty who plans on getting healthier by switching from meth to crack.
World’s oldest geckos were found recently in New Zealand. They knew the geckos were in their 60s because when they found them they were playing pickleball.
Sources report President Trump wants a military parade for his birthday. The nation’s service men and women will march in their dress uniforms while he’ll be dressed as his favorite military leader — Colonel Sanders. The theme of the parade is “Small Hands on Deck.”
Automotive site Edmunds released a list of the best selling vehicles in each state — with pickup trucks and SUVs topping nearly every state. The notable outlier was Mississippi, where the number one vehicle was their home.
A high-end brothel operating out of luxury condos near Harvard has rocked Boston’s elite, with dozens of prominent men—including biotech executives, lawyers, and a city councilor—now publicly named in court proceedings. As you would expect, a Harvard brothel is a little different — especially when it comes to dirty talk — instead of “who’s your daddy?” They say “do you know who my father is?”
Feature
LOCAL PSYCHOLOGIST STRUGGLING WITH MOTIVATION TO FINISH WRITING SELF-HELP BOOK
According to sources close to the situation, local psychologist Dr. Ellen Mercer has reportedly been struggling for the past six months to find the motivation to complete her upcoming self-help book "Take Action Now: Overcoming Procrastination and Achieving Your Goals." The 47-year-old cognitive behavioral therapist, who regularly counsels patients on techniques to improve productivity and combat avoidance behaviors, has reportedly missed three publisher deadlines while repeatedly telling herself she'll "definitely start the final chapter tomorrow." All the while, her monthly workshop "Defeating Distractions: The Path to Productivity" continues to sell out.
Fellow psychologist Dr. Raymond Chen of Harvard Medical School acknowledged that Mercer's situation is far from unique in their profession. "I'd estimate at least 85 percent of psychologists writing self-help books experience this exact phenomenon," said Chen, who has been "almost finished" with his own manuscript on emotional resilience since 2017. "There are dozens of books written by self-help authors on how readers can help themselves, but absolutely nothing out today to help self-help authors help themselves." Chen then abruptly ended the interview to attend what he described as an "urgent" online seminar about specialized pens that might potentially improve his writing flow.
As this newsletter goes to print, Mercer was last seen telling her editor that she couldn’t finish the book until she aligns her writing desk to the exact midpoint in relation to Orion’s Belt.
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