“I got tired of burying the rabbits.”
⁃ Anthony Hopkins on why he quit magic

Flossie, the world’s oldest living cat, extended her Guinness World Record when she turned 30. Although a cause for celebration, hitting the milestone appeared to weigh heavily on Flossie, as the 30 year old wondered if she’d ever get married. 

McDonalds was hit with a lawsuit this week claiming the McRib doesn’t contain rib meat. Said McDonald’s lawyers, “just to be clear, you’re all cool with the nugget?”

A group of scientists claim they have retrieved DNA that could belong to Leonardo Da Vinci. The team of scientists will present their DNA evidence on the popular Italian daytime show “That’s A’Maury.” 

A North Texas woman gave birth to a nearly 13 pound baby, naming the boy Canyon. The woman said she wanted to give the boy a fitting name for his incredible size and settled on Canyon because “Girth, the Vagina Destroyer” didn’t fit on the forms.

The United Health Foundation recently released its state-by-state health report card, with Louisiana topping the list of least healthy states — Once again highlighting the very real dangers of jazz. 

A woman recently proposed to her girlfriend during a professional women’s hockey game. The woman said she chose the venue because she wanted to propose somewhere where there wouldn’t bet be any crowds

WASHINGTON—Flanked by a coalition of sports betting site executives, a bipartisan group of legislators led by Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Republican Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) introduced a new bill Thursday to demand Congress “let the American people get in on the action.”

“The $.10 minimum wager is a starvation wager,” Sen. Schumer said. “In the year 2026, a family of four shouldn’t have to live beneath the moneyline while billionaires take the over and get bailed out when the under hits. At a time of massive income and wealth inequality, we can no longer tolerate millions of American gamblers trying to make ends meet on just $5 or $7 anytime TDs.”

While similar measures have failed in the past, insiders say the recent groundswell of grassroots support spearheaded by college-age males alongside pressure from Native American groups indicates that this time they just might be able to cover the spread.

According to analysis by the Bureau of Wager Statistics (BWS) nearly one in four gamblers in the U.S. are living parlay-to-parlay, the highest percentage since the bureau began keeping track in the early 2000s.

“How many millions of Americans need go without knowing where their next bonus bet will come from before we make a change?” said Sen. Hawley. “I say we raise the stakes!”

At sending, sources close to the bill confirmed an amendment had been added securing mandated time-and-a-half multipliers for overtime.

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