#189

Sunday, November 16th

Crier Quotes

“Haunches.”
- Tom Hanks on what you should grab ‘em by

Trending News

China has begun building massive underwater data centers off Shanghai, using seawater and offshore wind to cut cooling costs and energy use as demand for AI computing surges. Chinese engineers say to prevent any possible water damage to the servers, the data centers will be housed inside giant bags of rice. 

Leonardo DiCaprio celebrated his 51st birthday this week. It was a big one for Leo, who now needed three cakes because he doesn’t allow one with more than 25 candles. 

According to researchers, pets are now contributing to greenhouse emissions due to owners feeding them human-grade meat opposed to “animal parts that would have otherwise gone unused” — Or what’s known as “the good stuff” by RFK Jr.

Feature

Getting Serious: Local Man Asks Girlfriend to Take His Mental Load

Noting that the request was a big step for their relationship, local man Robert Dawes, 31, asked his girlfriend of just over five months, Maria Lopez, 29, to take on more of his mental load. 

“When he said he wanted to go to Cafe Bellissimo, I knew something big was coming,” said Lopez, unable to control her smile as fantasies of asking if he’d picked up his dry cleaning yet, scheduling his next teeth cleaning, or figuring out what they were going to have for dinner every night swirled around her head. “We had talked about things like me keeping a toothbrush at his place, which he said was a little fast, and I get that, but for him to now want me to start tracking and juggling his entire schedule, it just shows how much he’s grown. I’m sorry, I know I’m smiling a lot, but I just can’t help it!” 

While it is a huge step forward, Dawes says he doesn’t want to give her too much too soon. The key, he says, is avoiding burnout through a gradual release of responsibility. 

“If you were to ask me a month ago if I’d be in a place to completely disassociate from tracking all my responsibilities and let someone else constantly remind me of everything I needed to do all the time, I’d say you’re nuts,” said Dawes. “But, I don’t know, Maria is different. I can really see a future with her yelling from the kitchen while I’m in the bathroom, reminding me that I need to get a card and gift for my nephew’s first birthday, which happens to be tomorrow, although I’m 1,000 percent sure nobody ever told me. It just feels right.” 

At the printing of this newsletter, sources confirmed seeing a grinning Lopez enthusiastically writing out a master grocery list for every meal she’d planned for the week while Dawes played Xbox online with his friends. 

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