Paper: The Final Frontier

From the Desk of Francis Lightfoot

Dear Reader,

After years of tireless muckraking, I'm thrilled to announce The Untold True Stories You Haven't Heard Because They Never Happened, the debut anthology of The Town Crier's hardest-hitting journalism. What many in the biz are calling 'your favorite coffee table book's favorite coffee table book' is now officially available!

Featuring our most captivating reports, like:

• Disturbing: 100% of 29-Year-Olds Diagnosed with Turning 30

• Internal Documents Confirm Wolves Disproportionally Target Black Sheep

• Thickness Triumphs in Landmark Pancake Satisfaction Study

• Confusion Leads to Arrest as Man Exposes Himself at “Bottomless Brunch”

• Stalemate Persists in Parent Toddler Bedtime Negotiations

• and more!

You can preview the full table of contents and first few pages below, and purchase your copy of The Untold True Stories You Haven’t Heard Because They Never Happened now by clicking here.

Keep calm, and cry on.