Today is Wednesday, August 14th, and these are the top stories making headlines halfway through the week:

• The ability of mayonnaise to behave like a solid and flow like a liquid has inspired scientists to reconsider and improve their approaches to nuclear fusion experiments. Aiding in the understanding of nuclear fusion is nice, but the most incredible thing about mayonnaise — the team says — is being able to add it to potatoes and call it a “salad.”

• ABC revealed the 24 male contestants for the Golden Bachelorette — It’s nice to know for once a reality dating show contestant is telling the truth when they say, “I’ll fight for you till my heart gives out.” 

• Anthony Ammirati, the French pole vaulter whose own bulge cost him Olympic gold, has been offered a reported $250,000 deal by an adult entertainment company to produce content for their site. The company’s vice president told Ammirati if he’d like to accept the offer to “email back two pictures of your junk, or as you say in French — your oui oui.” 

• Pumpkin Spice season may have just come early, as Dunkin’ recently released a Spiked Pumpkin Spiced Latte - The canned latte is 6% alcohol and 100% going to come back up weird. 

• Over 2,300 pounds of meth was recently found hidden in celery at a farmers market in Georgia —  Revealing once and for all why it’s called Hidden Valley Ranch. 

• A new article reveals that pearlfish — an eel-like fish found in tropical waters around the world — lives inside a sea cucumber’s anus. The article was published in the Journal of Things You Can’t Unknow. 

• Customers visiting 7-Eleven convenience stores in Ontario, Canada, will soon be allowed to purchase and consume alcohol on the premises in new sit-in dining sections. You’ll know immediately where these drinking sections are located within each of the participating 7-Elevens because it’ll be labeled “Rock Bottom.” 

Shameless Plug

Going Somewhere…?

Not without one (or two) of these bad boys.

Right now, Amazon has Samsonite luggage on sale — Over 40% off a two-piece set in black. Tons of other colors available, but I’m seeing the biggest savings in black.

I recently picked up one of these four-wheel, any-direction rollers, and I don’t want to say it’s changed my life, but it’s changed my life.

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